Saturday, July 25, 2015

The Big News

It's been three months since I wrote. I keep meaning to get on here and update, but I've also enjoyed keeping some things to myself the past few months and just enjoying them on my own.  It has been a wonderful whirlwind of a summer so far. I don't know if anyone even reads this any more since I've gotten so bad at updating. And those that may still read this, I've probably already updated in person, over the phone or on social media.

The biggest news of all: I'M GETTING MARRIED!

I spent so many years thinking it just wasn't supposed to happen for me. And now here I am! Planning my wedding to a man I love, in a location that's absolutely perfect and still kind of stuck in this whirlwind of not knowing if this is really real. Surreal? Dreamlike? Unbelievable? Overwhelming? Yes.

What makes this all the more overwhelming is the fact that I'm starting school this fall. I got accepted to CSU's MBA program and decided to go to grad school before I realized I was going to be planning a wedding. So now, I get to plan a wedding in less than a year while working full time and taking two to three grad classes each semester. It's going to be quite the adventure!

And with this happy news, and I truly am so HAPPY, comes a whole slew of panic and misinformation and self-doubt. Every resource I've read (and those who know me know that I jump into projects headfirst and start prioritizing tasks and creating timelines, etc. It's how I am) says that you may need up to 10 months to find a wedding dress. So that's my priority right now. Unfortunately, this comes with a boatload of pressure (spoken and unspoken) on the way I look. Even though I identify it and attempt to bat these horrible thoughts back where they came from, something inevitably sticks. So now I'm walking the tightrope trying to balance between wanting to feel beautiful on my wedding day, but also not wanting to make myself completely miserable with stupid crash diets and unrealistic exercise regimens.

It's ironic because I wasn't having these issues and these thoughts until getting engaged. Which you'd think would be one of the best reassurances I could receive. Instead, my psyche has taken over and decided that I'm worthless. Yaaaaaayyyyy...

Anywho. Stay turned for Lindsey's eventual meltdown! (Kidding!)