Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Body Positivity Bullshit.

Here's the thing. You know all those things I wrote or share about body positivity? About how our looks shouldn't define our worth and how all people should feel beautiful regardless of their size, sex, gender, ethnicity, or anything else?

I'm a fraud. I'm the worst of the worst when it comes to this. I hate myself, I hate the way I look, I hate the way I interact with my body and the way I try to put myself out there only to hate myself more for it. Logically, I know that my self-esteem issues will not go anywhere if I change the way I look. There will always be something else to latch on to. To obsess over, to worry about. There will always be something holding me back from letting me experience life to the fullest. 

And I hate that. So that's why I push and push and push on the body positivity stuff. I try really hard to convince myself that my worth is not tied up in what size I am or not. But deep down I am the biggest hypocrite of them all. 

And it just makes me hate myself more.
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