Do you ever just have those days where nothing seems right? Whatever you do, see, hear, say, think is just a millstone tied around your neck. I hate these days. I just feel so low and nothing can shake me from it.
These are the days I feel my isolation the most. Even though I've been here for two years, and it seems like I've been here forever, I live a pretty solitary existence. Being surrounded by people is never a remedy for loneliness. It doesn't matter that I live near my family or have people I hang out with occasionally.
I miss having people that I can just be myself with. Everything about my life right now feels like an act: work, family, friends, maybe even my writing? Not necessarily in a bad way, but it really is. OK, let me take that back. In almost every way this is a bad thing. I hate that I have to pretend to be someone else in order to live life in peace.
A couple years back, I challenged myself to be honest with every person I encountered. You know what? People don't want the truth. They want to see something that matches up with their belief system all wrapped up in a boring box with a bow on top. God forbid we step outside the box or except people the way they are.
Urgh. Can you tell I'm a little fed up?