Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Do you ever...?

Do you ever have those days when you look back at your past and just shake your head? I'm having one of those days. At 21, I thought I knew everything, understood everything. The more I learn, the more I live, the more I realize that I am just how lacking I truly am and how far I have still yet to go. The problem I'm coming up against now, is not recognizing my past mistakes. No, they are glaringly obvious and I cringe at the thought of them. The problem is how to see these mistakes and acknowledge them, but not allow them to hold me back. Too often, I get caught up in this mental self-flagellation, and can't move on. I'm not saying that I should forget my flub-ups, but there is a point where it is no longer constructive to beat yourself to death over a mistake that no one else probably even remembers from years ago. Is it my pride that keeps me in this vicious cycle of regret? Thinking somehow I can atone for my juvenile stupidity? Or is it the fact that by letting go, I am required to take an action which opens myself up to the possibility for mistakes all over again? Is it my inability to accept grace that keeps me here?
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