Saturday, January 31, 2009

I just love this moment...

Was looking at the HBP trailer and found this clip that I found so utterly Hermione. It's only a few seconds long, but it's so entertaining.

Friday, January 30, 2009

I am so uptight that I had to look up the definition of 'wig out' before I felt justified in using it on my blog...


"I hate 15-hour work days"

Wow. What a week. It definitely has not gone as planned. I was thinking back tonight on what I did early this week and it feels like... a month ago. I am so stinking tired. I know I shouldn't complain. I live a relatively cushy life, I do not work picking coffee beans or harvesting sugar cane all day for a few dollars a day. (That being said, I will continue to vent anyway as in comparison to my normally cushy life, this week has been bad.)

It started off with my textbooks not showing up, so I'm already behind (yes, this is not very exciting I know). Next, I took my Senior Seminar Pretest and sufficiently wigged out (notice it, thank you!) about how little I felt I actually remembered about my discipline... And then the car overheated again. What is this the third time I've had to take this thing to the shop in the past four months? Ugh. So I'm already feeling stupid, my car is in the shop (still), and I'm running on about four hours of sleep a night (because of working three jobs, attempting to attend classes and regain my footing on schoolwork, and worrying about the car). And then the osteology exam set for today. Oy. Vey. Not 'oy vey' it was hard, but 'oy-vey-I-stayed-up-all-night-studying-only-to-rush-in-at-the-very-last-minute-and-have-class-canceled' (Granted, I know it was probably a blessing, but I was very miffed that I'd stayed up 'til three when I could've gotten an extra hour or two of sleep). Then, went to work (first job) 'til five, and then got out of there and sped to the opposite end of town to go to work (second job) and got home at about 11pm. Only to realize that I am ridiculously behind in posting for the (stupid online!) class. Yeah. Friday at 11:50pm is probably not the ideal time to be posting if you're going to have to ask the professor for a recommendation letter at the end of the semester...

So now I am sitting here typing away and bone-tired (for me and my cushy life) and really not wanting to go in and work again tomorrow. Or Sunday. Or Monday. Ugh. Do you ever just feel that we live in a rat race and that you have no other purpose than to just simply run yourself into the ground? I'm there.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sitting here

On break from class right now. I think I'm going to start a petition for a mandatory coffee ration for people attending classes after 5pm. I swear half of us are dozing, myself included. So, I'm sitting here drinking the hot, foamy water that you can get out of the vending machine here. Supposedly, it's coffee. I'm not so sure, but at least it's waking me up.

I've just got to laugh at some of my classmates. It's either that or pull out my hair in frustration. The never-ending questions, the constant stream of personal stories interrupting lecture. I really just want to get in and get out of classes --hm. Perhaps I'm the one at fault, demonstrating the McDonalds mentality of our culture? Anyway, I just find it funny listening to them and hearing the things that they can tie to theory. I find that my position is easiest. I sit toward the back, listen (usually not half-asleep), and take notes. I don't speak up unless required. It saves time and humiliation. I find that if I stay quiet long enough my questions are usually answered in the long run. And if not, I can always ask for clarification on my own time.

Ah well. Back to my watered-down 'coffee' and lecture on ideology.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The end --of the week, that is.

Whew. What a lovely week. Actually, it was more tiring than anything, but that's no one's fault but my own. This is the curse of the compulsive reader. Three times this week I sat down with a book and looked up to find that time had flown by and I was reading into the wee hours of the morning. Three in the morning isn't exactly the ideal time to go to bed when you have to be up at seven... Yes.

This was the first full week of classes with the computer --well, except for Social & Cultural Change thanks to MLK Day. Enjoying it quite a lot. So much easier to take notes when you can type 60wpm, compared to taking them by hand and not being able to read your own handwriting at the end of the day.

Started the new job this week. I think it went well, but I suppose my new bosses could give you a better idea. I am working part time on campus as a clerk/receptionist for ITS (Tech Dept.) as well as lab staff.

Really just want a good cup of tea right now. I think I will have to break out the teapot and Twining's. Mm...

Here he is! Innit pretty? I've decided to call him Joe.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Okay, so I said I would put up pictures and here they are. Well, a few. I really just put these up here for my own enjoyment because I get sick of just seeing text on here.

Hm. Yes. This was supposed to be Georgia O'Keeffe inspired, but it is very different from her style that I suppose it needs it's own category... Perhaps I'll call it... "Poppy by Georgia at age three". Hehehe. Yes. Actually, this is just something I whipped out over a couple days this summer. It's by no means polished, perfect or even presentable (did you like the alliteration?), but I like it. It's actually quite large. 36" x 36", I think...

Alrighty. In my humble opinion, plain old strawberry shortcake leaves much to be desired. So, we dressed it up with waffles, french vanilla ice cream and chocolate. Yum. You just can't go wrong with chocolate.

This picture looks very bland... I actually really liked this dish. Bottom layer is red beans and rice, second layer is gingered potatoes and onions, and topped by Sweet & Spicy Pork Roast. It was yummy. So were the leftovers.

Well, need to go study. Well, actually, priority is a pot of coffee as my eyelids seem to be drooping, then it's on to studying. Zzzz.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Do you ever...?

Do you ever have those days when you look back at your past and just shake your head? I'm having one of those days. At 21, I thought I knew everything, understood everything. The more I learn, the more I live, the more I realize that I am just how lacking I truly am and how far I have still yet to go. The problem I'm coming up against now, is not recognizing my past mistakes. No, they are glaringly obvious and I cringe at the thought of them. The problem is how to see these mistakes and acknowledge them, but not allow them to hold me back. Too often, I get caught up in this mental self-flagellation, and can't move on. I'm not saying that I should forget my flub-ups, but there is a point where it is no longer constructive to beat yourself to death over a mistake that no one else probably even remembers from years ago. Is it my pride that keeps me in this vicious cycle of regret? Thinking somehow I can atone for my juvenile stupidity? Or is it the fact that by letting go, I am required to take an action which opens myself up to the possibility for mistakes all over again? Is it my inability to accept grace that keeps me here?


Not much going on this Inaugural Eve. Did a bit of reading for school, saw my mother and brother off back to Indy this morning (albeit in a somewhat drowsy state). Cooked dinner tonight. Will post pictures once I find my cord for my camera. Sweet & Spicy Pork Roast with potatoes and onions and red beans & rice was on the menu. Yum. Dessert was a twist on strawberry shortcake: Waffles, topped with strawberry jam, vanilla ice cream, strawberries and a drizzle of chocolate.

I am still waiting for my textbooks to arrive. I ordered them over a week and a half ago and still no textbooks. I'm pretty sure expedited delivery should have gotten them here by now, but what am I supposed to do? Can't very well go out and buy second copies when the first could be on their way tomorrow. And I'd really rather not pay the bookstore prices anyway. $90 for a paperback, my foot!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fed up. Again. Are we noticing a pattern here?

I am so sick of being criticized for things that I cannot control. You want me to finish school, I'm criticized for what I'm studying. Not to mention the fact that you scoff at my dreams and make faces at the mention of graduate studies. You want me to get another job to make up for the lack of hours, so I do (two in fact!) and the fact that the hours are still basically nonexistent because of our failing economy is my fault? You question my intelligence because my opinions and yours may differ on temporal things? Should I continue my list? Can I do nothing right? Will I ever be able to please you? Earn your respect? I don't know why I even try anymore. No matter where I go, what I do, I will never be doing the right thing in your sight. No, you'll just roll your eyes again, huff, and accuse me of blowing up over the situation. Quite odd considering the fact that I haven't raised my voice once and you created the 'situation'.

Are your 'good intentions' and occasional help just a way to buy my submission? I have news for you. I am doing the best I can. I will not be your perfect, retiring automaton.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Cars, Cold and Cartilage

It is FREEZING! You can tell just how cold it is by the incredibly rare occurrence of using all capitals in my writing. I really, really didn't want to go out this morning into the negative 15F weather. Granted, it's warmed up to a balmy 5F, so I should be thankful for that I suppose?

My car has overheated. Again. Though, I looked it up online and I think it may be caused by me and relatively easy (hopefully!) to remedy. Had no idea, but apparently if you put cold coolant in (and I do have to check and fill from time to time, just usually not in such cold weather), the hoses can freeze and the it stops the circulation of coolant, thus causing your engine to overheat. So, giving it a little bit in the sun outside before I try turning it on again... I really hope that this is what's wrong because if it's not, it's probably one of two things: a) heater core needs to be flushed or replaced or b) the car's blown a gasket... Not really looking forward to the possibility of either of those as this is tuition month, as well as license plate month... Argh.

And cartilage! I am really loving my Forensic Anthropology course! Well, except for the classmates that think we need the full narrative on their broken toe to enlighten us as to how bones heal. Really, I just don't care. Please let me get back to the lecture. Anyway, it is truly interesting and I am continually amazed how I can sit through a three hour class and not get sleepy. No offense to any other professors whose classes I might have dozed in. It's nothing personal and this really is a rarity.

Just for fun did one of these little personality surveys. Usually I'm an INFP, but this one came out as....

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm.

Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men

You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

I find it funny that it lists "peaceful" and "calm". Not exactly two words I would use to describe myself. Maybe 'mellow', but those others just have an air of tranquility that doesn't seem to fit.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Gender Theory

Yes, folks, gender theory. I don't really have anything to say other than I am frustrated. Okay, poor choice of words. We'll go with 'annoyed' even though that's not exactly the connotation I want. I understand the reason for studying it, but it has my brain all tied up in knots. Hm. Well, maybe not knots as that sounds very stagnant. More like mental gymnastics because now my mind never stops.

On a completely different note: I am enjoying the new computer, plus the added benefit of wireless. It's a beautiful thing.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's here!

It's here! It's here! Yes, this is a time for the Happy Dance. My lovely new computer arrived today around 1:30pm and I'm getting things set up and playing away. Well, actually, I am doing school as well because I'm reading Discussion Boards that I could only previously access on campus because my old computer was too slow to open a stinking discussion board. Hm.

Theory of Relativity

I think I finally understand about the whole time being relative thing. I have never had three days pass so slowly. First, they said they shipped the computer on the tenth. I waited and watched. Finally just gave up and got on the FedEx website to track it. This slowed things down even more. Shipped from Nashville and it's taking five days to get here? It'd be faster if I went myself! It arrived in Toledo yesterday afternoon. I could've driven down and picked it up. Only two hours away! And yet, here I am on the 14th of January, sitting, waiting for this package to arrive. It should arrive today according to I realize that four days to ship is not actually that long a time, it just seems so ridiculously slow when you are watching it pass minute-by-minute, stage-by-stage.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Oh Happy Day!

Okay. Despite the fact that school has started again, I have no money, and hours at work are slim to none, I am ridiculously excited.

Just got word that my new computer has been shipped! No more waiting 20 minutes to open programs. No more dealing with a computer that throws more hissy fits than a spoiled toddler. No more restarting the computer two to three times a day because it's decided to freeze up. I might actually be able to sit down and write a paper without interruption from the computer deciding it needs a catnap!

Another plus today: I am regaining my voice. Now I don't sound so much like the voice of death as I do like a frog. Progress nonetheless.

On a completely different note, how is it that 24 sounds so much older than 23? It's just a mere 12 months difference and yet it seems an unfathomable gap.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The start of the semester

Well, here I am at the beginning of yet another term. Looks like it will be an interesting one. So far I've only started two classes.

Social and Cultural Change started Monday night. This will definitely be an experience as it is around three hours long and with what I would consider one of the more challenging professors in the anthropology department. We had our intro, and then watched a documentary. If you get a chance, check out The Fire Next Time.

Sex & Gender in Cross-Cultural Perspective is online. I have never been a fan of online courses, but it looks like this one might be all right. I actually find that I like discussion boards because I can get a word in edgewise, but I also have time to think about what I want to say/write.

On another subject, I have lost my voice. It's so sad. I woke up this morning got ready for the day and went about my business --without saying a word. Called into work to check my schedule, but when I opened my mouth, imagine my surprise when nothing came out but a rasping cough. It really is lovely. I've worked my way back to being able to function vocally at a slightly lower than basic level, but it is oh-so-annoying and accompanied by long bouts of coughing and stuffiness. I've decided I'm accepting no calls today. My only communication will be in the form of emails, wall posts, blog entries, and text messages.

Made pasta carbonara last night. Was pleasantly surprised. I have never really been a fan of bacon, but I've found that it can be quite enjoyable when paired with pasta, and a parmesan, cream, egg mix. It was like comfort food without being too bland. Beautiful.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Mulling Things Over

Have you ever been confronted by situations that appear to have no answer (and most likely do not have answers), but demand your attention just the same? I want to know, is this correct or not? Do I believe this or that? But the world is full of grey.

I wish this had presented itself at the beginning of the break so I could dive into a mountain of books and find some resolution before the semester begins. But as I go back on Monday and already have assignments to work on, it doesn't appear that is likely to happen I'm stuck in this liminal state, almost finished (with school, a stage of life, etc.), but at the same time still very much in the process.

I wish the world was black and white and that it came with directional arrows. But it's not. I know there are those that argue my/their religion provides the directional arrows, but does it really? It provides basic outlines, but it does not say "You shall go to this city and work at this location to save up to go to this school and receive this degree." No, it doesn't even provide a general location. I'm sure there are some who would argue with me, but I have come to find more and more that 'guidance' is less in the form of a 4x4 to the head and more along the lines of a whispered, general suggestion. How I wish I could receive a message via a whack of a divine length of white pine.

I know you all will have your own interpretations of what this post means, and you're more than welcome to harass, cajole or whine to me via the comments section on my blindness or unnecessary anxiety, etc., etc. Most likely however, I will not respond as this is more of a necessary outlet for the inner workings of my mind than a cry for help, direction or ridicule.