Sunday, March 9, 2008

Breakdown

I'm sick of it. Sick of the whole "being brave" or "being strong" crap. I just want to break down and have a good desperate cry. If asked how I'm doing, I'll inevitably say "I'm fine." Of course I will. I'll say it because that's what is expected of me.

The truth? I'm terrified. Scared out of my mind. Reduced to the point of wailing like a small child because I don't have the answers. I just don't know and it's driving me crazy. I don't want to have to think about the possibility of something being terribly wrong. I'm so scared of what it could be that I can't even write it here.

I just want answers. Even a name to put to this crap I'm living through. At this point, I'd take knowing a horrible truth than being stuck in this limbo of ignorance, where I can do nothing and have absolutely no control.
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