Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sitting here yet again

As my sociology professor saw fit to leave town for a week and not locate a substitute, I have been relishing my two days of having extra time before my first class of the day. Usually I rush out the door at 9:00 or 9:30 and make it here about 15 minutes before my first class at 11am. But with sociology on hold this week (yay!) I don't have to be in class until 12:30pm. So exciting. Really, it is. I have time to sit in the computer lab doing homework, looking up articles for research projects, browsing the library catalogue (You really gotta love university libraries!) and even getting a chance to post on here. Usually by the time I get home from work or school at night I am just too tired to try to update.

So, I'm currently rereading 'Till We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis. I read it quite awhile ago, but seem to have forgotten the gist of it. On the encouragement from a friend, I decided to give it another chance. I have to say, Orual is fast becoming one of my favorite literary characters of all time. If you have read it and have a minute to reply, I'd love to know what you think of it. I just got it yesterday (I seem to have lost my old copy!) and I'm only in chapter four or five, but WOW.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

So...

So, just sitting here in the computer lab. No Social Thought this week, so I get to come in a full 1.5 hours later! Exciting! Actually, I came in early just the same to try and print off my State & Local notes off of ProgData and it's not working. Argh. Why don't they just use Blackboard? I know it has it's flaws (many of them), but everyone knows how to use it and find things on there. Or maybe the notes just aren't up and that's why I can't find them on there... Hm... that means I have to check again on break. Crap.

Not much else is happening other than school and work. My one day off is Sunday, which unfortunately has become a homework day. Not exactly how I want to spend the one day off a week, but it's what must be done. This is what I get for going back, eh?

And now... off to class!

____________________

It's me. Back for a sec. Well, oddly enough, my professor did switch to Blackboard. Hah. The irony. I'm sitting here complaining about it and he's already done it. Ah well. One of those days. ;o)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Cold!

Sitting in my room
I hear the wind bluster around the house
Pull the blankets closer
Ignoring the cold I know I must face

Even in weather this cold
There's no escaping the necessity
Of venturing outside
To take care of chores that won't disappear

Stalking outside with a scowl
Facing winter seems regrettably unavoidable
Hat pulled low; scarf over my nose
Can't feel my toes and my ears are protesting

Hands shoved in pockets
Forgot the gloves again and shiver
Next time I'll remember to wear
Another layer upon layer upon layer

Back inside, nose gone red,
Welcoming heat greets my frostbitten feet
Fingers are moving now
Turn back from blue to red of protest and warm exultation.

Sink back into blankets
And let out a sigh as the warmth comes back in
Wiggling toes, I grab my book
And set off again in my pursuit to ignore winter.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The bump in the road...

A.K.A. "having-my-car-break-down-on-the-second-day-of-school-in-the-
middle-of-nowhere".

Yes, Betsy is in the repair shop. This morning we left Lansing on time (possibly even early) and Got all the way to Morrish Rd when Betsy decided that life wasn't worth living. She promptly started noisily complaining and decided to conk out on the side of 69. She even started smoking. Argh. I am so frustrated with cars. If I believed in kharma, I'd have to think that in some non-existent past-life I was a complete jerk. Yes, so Betsy in now in a repair shop somewhere (not sure where... I should probably know that) and I'm stranded at school.

On a plus note, got to see Mom and Grams, spent an hour with them at the farmer's market between classes, bought an amazing sonce for $1 and received a ginormous oatmeal cookie for free!

So... my day has been.... Well, we'll just say it's been interesting. Hope you all are having more carefree days than I am!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Just a little one-shot

Just a little one-shot I wrote a while back.

"Deep, calming breaths. They always said that slowing your breathing was a good relaxation technique. Deep, calming breaths. Clears the mind; relaxes the muscles; releases tension. Deep, calming breaths. Deep, yes. Calming? No. With each breath came the waves of overwhelming guilt, embarrassment, humiliation. Every breath brought up a different, more painful memory. The rejection from her top school; the rejection of the "only one"; the reckless, late-night email; the declined credit card application and the tendency toward stupidity, naivete and blushing. The breaths that were supposed to be getting deeper and slower only became more shallow as the minutes and memories passed on. She drew her knew up to her chest and sat there on the floor, her sobs shaking her from her head to her toes.

She was transparent. Not the kind of transparent people use when referring to some real; some one genuine, but the transparent of the wallflower who's never seen and that of the woman whose soul is bared to the world, who's mask has been torn away to show the inner workings beneath.

It had been like this as long as she could remember. Her memories haunting, following her through life in a train of grey-bodied ghosts, flowing with her blood. The beginning of the line was headed by the memory from middle school. He was her first real crush and now the memory of that German class haunted her still. Her stuttering, middle school shadow was always there to serve as a painful reminder of her humiliation. The letter from Stanley was on of the strongest shadows. , resilient through all her attempts to push it away. The day she'd opened the letter, expecting to see words of welcome and instead saw a Dear John letter with a "thanks, but no thanks" message. That piece of mail had cost her many tears and it still haunted her after she'd ripped it into bits and burnt it to a crisp.

Paul Coelho once wrote, "Destiny is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream and to yearn fro everything." How true it was. Her dreams had been great as a child. She had not been afraid of dreaming then. Now after rejection after rejection and one dream shattered after another, she wondered if her destiny was simply just to exist, work a dead-end job and then simply cease. Her life was a Pandora's Box. Her broken dreams and sorry existence: the troubles and suffering within. Unlike Pandora's box, it seemed hers was devoid of hope, even after all the trouble had seeped out. Wasn't that supposed to be the one good thing? Hope was born from Pandora's Box. But not hers. If hope had been there, it had disappeared long ago."